Monday, April 13, 2015

Clocks and Sweat

Time, it never likes to cooperate nicely does it? It just flits by, on purpose, out of spite. RUDE.
Honestly though, no matter how hard we try to be organized and plan time is always there as God's quiet constant reminder that our attempts at control are just adorable.
This reality came barreling down on me as I realized that our foster care training begins in a few short weeks and I desperately needed to iron out our childcare. You see, we don't have either sets of grandparents near by, and so finding any kind of trustworthy and affordable childcare for three littles can be very difficult, let alone for 11 weeks straight! I was feeling burdened and worried that I wasn't going to be able to clear this hurdle, especially since we had already had to push back our training after we weren't able to lock down childcare for the initial session.
So as I was wiping my brow in worry making contacts and asking for help I was praying fervently, while simultaneously sinking into doubt. Complicated enough for ya? If this is what we are called to do and meant to do then why are there so many obstacles? Why wouldn't He make our path clear? Maybe this isn't what we are supposed to be doing. Maybe this is all my own vanity and need for self importance. What do I do??

Yes, whiny baby.

 Thank goodness I am loved by a King that just pats my head like I have done many times to my own children as they fret over a broken potato chip. There there. If you only knew what is to come. This thought can be disconcerting. But, also beautifully reassuring. Just as I know I will be there for my babies as they over come obstacles much larger and more heart wrenching then broken chips, I know God will be there with me through trials in ways that dwarf my futile attempts at Love. God doesn't mark out a landing strip for me with lovely pressed instructions waiting on the sides. I'm glad. I grow in my need for Him and I notice His embrace more when I don't know what to do or where to go. My wobbly steps are the opportunity for Jesus to catch me just as the wobble turns into a face plant. For that I can only be thankful. 

So of course, to pat my tender head the Lord came through and I was able to find childcare for all 11 weeks of training.
I have renewed confidence in our path, and I am so grateful that our most immediate need has been met. Now to get through the classes themselves!

March on, friends. 

"I will instruct you and teach in the way which you should go: I will counsel you with My eye upon you." Psalms 32:8

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