Sunday, April 26, 2015


I have been mulling over this topic for a while now. I wasn't really sure how to approach it and I was having trouble organizing my thoughts, so I finally decided that perhaps my brain waves in their raw form were necessary to convey my message. Recently, my husband and I were beginning to tell a family member about our decision to become foster parents and eventually adoptive parents as the Lord leads us. This person's response was no more then a couple blinks and then, "Ok.......why??". I was completely caught off guard. The question is valid and simple enough but my brain just froze. It went into overdrive and then crashed within seconds. Naturally my mouth flooded with a million reasons why...because the Bible commands us...because I saw from experience the good...because it's right...because we are helping children...because we want to make a difference...because we have the means...because why not?? But before these things came spilling out in incredulous fervor my heart stopped me and turned my focus inward. Why?? The check list of justifiable reasons that I was clicking through were just that; justifications. Justification in it's nature is not a cause or reason, it is defense. It is a resume of qualifications. In our flesh we are constantly under pressure to prove ourselves. I think especially in the world of "Church-ianity" it becomes a need to be spiritual and anointed. To appear legit. God chose me for reasons x,y, and z please see attached references. To speak "christianese" and quote scripture. To give a well thought out speech of inspiration and adoration. We desperately seek approval and applause from our family, friends, neighbors, co-workers, strangers at the grocery store. Why is that? Do we trust God so little? Do we trust Him at all? How feeble and helpless are we that can't begin to fathom that God's awesome love for us is enough. If we lived our lives truly knowing deep into the nuclei of each cell in our body that we are loved without condition, how differently would we think, feel, act, love, breathe? We wouldn't need the approval of grandma, and Mr. Jones, and Pastor Bill, and the lady at the deli counter. Not because we "don't care what anyone thinks", because that is a purely selfish and self preserving statement, but because we would already know we were loved before and we will be loved after by the One who created it all. By the One who already died.


Earth shattering. 


Although I may take one step forward in living loved and a hundred steps back again (at least), I can cling to the hope that God can use my weak and fearful flesh because He already has. So now, when someone asks me why we are taking this path I will have an answer resting peacefully on my tongue. 


"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39

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